There’s a version of me that used to hide from cameras.
She’d angle her face away. She’d wear oversized hoodies in summer. She’d delete 20 selfies before posting one, and even then, she’d add a filter so heavy you couldn’t tell it was her.
This photo is not that version of me.
This is me, in a lilac ribbed set, sitting in my bedroom on an ordinary Tuesday. No glam team. No ring light. No "perfect" angle. Just natural window light, curly blonde hair that took 30 minutes to define, and the decision to press "take photo" and actually keep it.
If you’ve ever struggled with seeing yourself and actually _liking_ what you see, this post is for you.
### 1. The Color Lilac: Softness as a Superpower
I didn’t plan to wear lilac today. I opened my closet and it was the first thing I touched.
But looking back, it makes sense. Lilac isn’t loud. It isn’t trying to be red or hot pink. It’s calm. It’s gentle. It’s the color of early spring mornings and lavender fields and quiet confidence.
In color psychology, lilac is tied to self-reflection, grace, and healing. That’s exactly what I’ve been working on this year: healing my relationship with my reflection.
The ribbed fabric of this crop top and shorts set is comfortable but intentional. The little bow in the center reminds me not to take myself so seriously. Fashion doesn’t always have to be a statement. Sometimes it can just be a soft hug for your body.
### 2. Curly Hair Diaries: 3 Years of Learning to Love My Curls
Let’s talk about the hair, because if you have curly hair you know — it’s a whole journey.
This is platinum blonde, naturally curly hair. And for years I fought it. I straightened it. I bleached it more. I told myself it was "too much" or "unmanageable."
The truth? I wasn’t taking care of it. I was trying to change it.
Here’s what actually worked for me:
1. Hydration over everything: Leave-in conditioner + curl cream. Every wash day.
2. Stop touching it: The more I touch, the more frizz.
3. Diffuse on low heat: Patience is part of the routine.
4. Accept wash day 1 vs wash day 4: They don’t have to look the same.
Today is a wash day 2. The curls are big, a little messy, and completely me. I used to think I had to earn the right to wear my hair down. Now I know I don’t.
### 3. The Art of the At-Home Selfie
This wasn’t meant to be a "professional" photo. It was a mirror selfie in my bedroom.
But I’ve learned there’s an art to making yourself feel good in front of your own phone camera:
Lighting: Natural window light is my best friend. I sat facing the window around 10am. No overhead lights.
Background: It doesn’t have to be perfect. A clean shelf, a closed door, and that’s it. Your life doesn’t need to look like a Pinterest board.
Posture: Sit up tall. Relax your shoulders. The goal isn’t to look "small." The goal is to look present.
Expression: I used to force a smile. Now I just let my face rest. Neutral is beautiful too.
The necklace with the letter "A"? That’s for me. A little reminder that I’m allowed to take up space.
### 4. Body Image: Unlearning 20 Years in 1 Year
I want to be honest with you.
For most of my life, I looked at photos of myself and immediately saw what was "wrong." My arms. My stomach. The way my top fit.
Therapy helped. But what helped more was repetition. Taking the photo anyway. Posting it anyway. Hearing "you look happy" instead of "you look skinny."
Body neutrality changed everything for me. It’s not about waking up and loving every inch of yourself every day. That’s not realistic.
Body neutrality is: "This is my body today. It lets me hug my friends. It lets me dance in my kitchen. It deserves clothes that fit and photos that exist."
This lilac set fits me _now_. Not the "goal" me. Not the "after" me. Me, right now. And that’s enough.
### 5. Creating a Bedroom That Feels Like You
People always ask about my background. It’s just my bedroom.
But I’ve made it a space where I actually want to take photos. A few things that helped:
Shelves: I use clear acrylic shelves for skincare and bags. It keeps things visible so I actually use them.
Lighting: One big window. That’s it. No expensive setup.
Color palette: Soft neutrals with pops of pink and lilac. It makes me feel calm.
No pressure: It’s okay if there’s a hoodie on the chair. It’s okay if the bed isn’t made. Real life is the aesthetic.
Your space doesn’t have to be aesthetic for Instagram. It has to feel good for _you_.
### 6. What This Photo Represents
On the surface, this is just a selfie in a purple outfit.
But to me, it represents:
- Saying yes to photos without 40 edits
- Wearing colors I used to think were "too bright" for me
- Letting my curls be big
- Sitting in my room and not apologizing for existing
Growth doesn’t always look like a big transformation video. Sometimes it looks like this. A Tuesday. A selfie. A small moment of peace with yourself.
### 7. 5 Affirmations I Tell Myself Before Taking Photos
If you struggle with this too, save these. I say them out loud before I open my camera:
1. "My worth is not measured in likes."
2. "Someone out there needs to see someone who looks like me."
3. "I am allowed to be soft and strong at the same time."
4. "This body has carried me through everything. It deserves gratitude."
5. "I don’t have to be perfect to be loved."
### Final Thoughts: To The Girl in the Mirror
If you’re reading this and you’ve been avoiding photos, or mirrors, or yellow tops, or lilac sets — I see you.
You don’t have to love yourself 100% today. You just have to be 1% kinder than yesterday.
Take the selfie. Wear the color. Post the photo or don’t. But don’t erase yourself from your own life waiting for a "better" version to show up.
She’s already here. She’s in the curls. She’s in the lilac. She’s in the way you’re trying.
Thank you for being here with me. Comment below: what’s one small way you’ve been kinder to yourself lately? I read every single one 💜
And if you needed this reminder today, share it with a friend. We all deserve to see ourselves with softer eyes.
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Outfit Details:
Set: Lilac ribbed crop top + shorts loungewear set
Necklace: Gold initial "A" pendant
Hair: Platinum blonde, natural curls, air dried + diffused
Setting: Bedroom, natural morning light
#SelfLoveJourney #BodyNeutrality #CurlyHairCare #LilacAesthetic #AtHomeSelfie #MentalHealthMatters #PlusSizeFashion #NaturalLightPhotography #BedroomAesthetic #ConfidenceBuilding
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